"I Would Do Anything for Starz (But I Won't Play Fortnite)"
Lyrics
Intro
(Epic, dramatic piano solo building up with heavy operatic drums and a roaring electric guitar)
Verse 1
I can see the chat room glowing in the dark of night
I’ve been streaming retro classics, keeping up the fight
And I need those Starz to keep the lights on, need to make a dime
Yeah, I'm streaming for the people, grinding all the time!
I would cross the digital ocean, I would climb the highest peak
I would stream for twenty hours till my voice is getting weak...
But I can never commit a gaming sin
No, I won’t give up, and I won't give in!
Pre Chorus
And some nights it feels like a cash grab out there
With the modern games that just don't care
But I'll stay true to the retro crew
Yeah, you know it's true!
Chorus
I would do anything for Starz!
Oh, I would climb to Mars!
Yeah, I would do anything for Starz...
But I won't play Fortnite.
No, I won't do that!
Verse 2
(Music gets heavier, angrier tempo)
And don't get me started on the Call of Duty trap
Every single year, they repackage the same crap!
Just a copy-paste skin for seventy bucks a pop
A massive cash crab that never seems to stop!
They just want your wallet, they don't care about the fun
The soul of the shooter is dead and done!
And Mario Party? Don't even bring it up to me
It's a friendship-ruining simulator, lame as it can be!
It’s super lame, it hits way too close to home
I'd rather sit in silence and play a game alone!
Pre Chorus
Oh, the industry is broken, it's a corporate corporate game
But this stream is different, we reject the lame!
Chorus
I would do anything for Starz!
Oh, I would climb to Mars!
Yeah, I would do anything for Starz...
But I won't play Fortnite.
No, I won't do that!
(Guitar Solo)
(Massive, soaring, emotional 80s rock guitar solo—pure Meat Loaf energy)
Bridge
(Music drops down to soft piano and dramatic vocals)
Will you stream the battle royale when the numbers start to drop?
(Spoken dramatically) No, I can't do that.
Will you buy the season passes till your bank accounts all pop?
(Spoken dramatically) No, I won't do that!
I'll play the classics till the day I die
Look your microtransactions right in the eye!
Chorus
I would do anything for Starz!
Oh, I would climb to Mars!
Yeah, I would do anything for Starz...
But I won't play Fortnite.
No, I won't do that!
Outro
(Music builds to a massive, symphonic explosion)
No Call of Duty!
No Mario Party! It's super lame!
Just drop those Starz, let's play a real game!
Anything for Starz...
But I won't... do... THAT!
(Final heavy dramatic piano chord fades out)